yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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