Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
