so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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