Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
