i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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