"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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