my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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