Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
