Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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