just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
