I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
