probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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