My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
