i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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