White coat. Heels.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't deserve a penis
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
