Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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