Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
