forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Send help, water and tortillas.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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