these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
