I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
