You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
