I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
