im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
