Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
