Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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