the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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