she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
