I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
