its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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