I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
