When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
