I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize