Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
