Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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