Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
