I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
