you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
