he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
