So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
