I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize