Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
