I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's not a foreskin expert like you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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