grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
