wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
