Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
