I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
