I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
