i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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