Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
