Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
