you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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