Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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