your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
