I cannot find my penis.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
