Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize