I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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