I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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