My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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