I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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