We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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