So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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