You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
