He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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