When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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