she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize