..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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