I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
