I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
